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March 28, 2011 / moldyboo

You Don’t Know Me

I was scanning the “Why Aren’t You Guys Friends?” section on Facebook, where Facebook tries to tell you that you are actually friends with people that you aren’t Facebook friends with, and the song You Don’t Know Me by Ben Folds came in on my headphones.  I figured that that anecdotal coincidence was funny enough to write a blog post on.

It wasn’t funny or interesting enough.  I got two sentences in when I realized that I could not write a full post on this hilarious incident that happened to me all by myself.  So I’m still browsing the “Why Do These People Hate You?” section on Facebook, and I came across a few names that made me think.  I found three people on there that I could have sworn were Facebook friends with me, but must have unfriended me.

I’m actually glad that the first of the three people I found on the “What Happened?” section of Facebook supposedly unfriended me.  I never liked her.  I don’t think we have ever talked, though.  Anyway, we never had any kind of emotional connection, and now she’s an underwear model?  No.  Thank you for unfriending me.  Seeing your face only reminds me of your face from junior high school, except it now has a two-piece swimsuit under it.  After watching a three-hour marathon of To Catch A Predator, I don’t know how to feel.

The second person on the “So Do You Guys Hate Each Other?” section of Facebook was also a surprise.  Then I realized that we may have never been Facebook friends in the first place.  Either way, I don’t care at all.

The third person I found on the “All Of These People Wouldn’t Care if You Died” section of Facebook made me really sad.  We kind of knew each other a very long time ago.  And then we kind of knew each other again.  And then I made several mistakes and she definitely does not ever want to see me again.  We actually caught up via Facebook in 2004 when Facebook first came out.  We talked on the phone once.  After that, not only did I never call her again, but I also asked out her roommate on a date years later.  I’m really sorry.  If it helps (and you are actually reading this) the date was horrible, as you probably know, and I should have spent all of my courage asking to hang out with you.  Although you definitely would have said no, I would have at least felt better about this.  But now you will probably hate me for the rest of your life.

Only this generation, with its finite knowledge of Facebook’s fragile friendships, really knows how bad it hurts when Facebook unfriends them.

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