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June 14, 2011 / moldyboo

Courtney Love

I had a crush on a girl in the eleventh grade.  I was also in the eleventh grade.  I could have said ‘junior’ just now but that would have nullified that joke I used to say where I imply that I was in eleventh grade and then confirm it in a separate sentence.  I had a crush on a girl junior year of high school.  She was overweight, and I wasn’t.  If someone told me that the roles would be switched in ten years, I wouldn’t have bought her those weight-loss pills, nor enlightened her about the wonders of bulimia.

I had a crush on a girl in 2001.  I didn’t actually buy her weight-loss pills.  I did buy her Valentine’s gifts and stuff.  I remember going to Walgreen’s at eleven pm the night before Valentine’s Day and frantically looking for any candy left to validate my friendships with people who up to the next day had never talked to me.  I bought her chocolate, which, in retrospect, was probably not the best gift for an overweight person.  In my defense, there is no Valentine’s Day Asparagus, yet.  Though in retro-retrospect, it didn’t really matter because she’s skinny now.  However, of course, her LDL cholesterol level could still be high.  Mine could too.  Does pure frosting have LDL in it?  If not, why?

So I bought her things, even though she told me several times that another girl in class liked me.  This, however, was proven to be untrue after I confronted her about it and she laughed until 2009.  I liked the other girl anyway.  I tried to be charming.  We ended up at the same college, and I visited her several times freshman year, even buying her gifts when she was sick.  Years later (last week) I wrote her after years of not talking, and asked her out in a kind of no-really-asking-her-out horrible way.  She did not respond.  I would have been okay with that.  She is super pretty and is probably busy with work/kids/jury duty.  But then I remembered high school and it seemed like I at least deserved a response.  That’s it.

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