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July 7, 2011 / moldyboo

Quadruple Bypass

I had an epiphany while getting into bed about three weeks ago.  Following is the evolution of an idea:

1. I am overweight.

2. I want to weigh less.

3. Eating food makes me weigh more.

4. I will not eat food.

I rigorously stuck to that strategy until late afternoon the next morning.  My original plan was set for an extremely short period of time.  I hadn’t really thought this out for the span of more than a third of a day.  My newer revised idea was to eat as little as possible for the next month.  This plan is really easy to say and to think.  It is somewhat more difficult de facto; like communism or genocide.  I had not accounted for hunger or the murderous rage that it accompanies.  Therefore, I decided to eat two 6 inch sandwiches a day from Subway® along with a bag of baked potato chips with each meal.

I am now just over three weeks into figure modification.  Weight loss doesn’t look exactly how I thought it would.  For example, though now 40 pounds lighter, my stomach looks just as huge and hairy as it ever did.  This must be what anorexia is.  People comment on how much better I look, but I see the same fat stomach.  I am a sixteen-year-old girl with the breasts of someone whose breasts looked like that of a sixteen-year-old girl a little while ago.  I just don’t look how I imagined I would look at this weight, which is not anything close to this.  This is a sign that I should continue my strict regimen of never not wearing a shirt.  This is of course impossible in the shower, which is why my eyes stay closed whenever I clean myself.  That might explain lifelong loneliness and the entire left side of my body constantly smelling like pork.

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